Concepts: Need – is on the one hand, without which man can not do what needs (deficit), on the other hand, it aspires to, what he wants to possess (desire), or something that wants to avoid. Motive – is the need to deliberate purpose of satisfying, encouraging action. In other words, when we have a need, and we understand how it can be satisfied, and that purpose – to meet this need, is for us value, and pushes us to action to achieve this goal, then we have a motive. Or this: 1. We have a need, or will we have something that is we need. 2. We know, or think we know how we can meet these needs – we have a goal.
3. Meeting these needs is important to us – the value. 4. It pushes us to action to achieve this goal – motivation. Taken together, this will be the motive. Motivation – dynamic process of forming a motif (Ilyina 'motivation and motives' Publisher: 'Peter', 2003, 4.1).
Motivation is divided into external, ie stimulated by external factors – rewards, punishment, etc., and internal. But we need to understand that the basis of motive is a need in the broadest sense, as we have defined it above, and the need – it is an internal factor. Therefore, external circumstances may be motivated only when they become significant for humans, ie transformed into internal motivation. Thus, if a person has no inner need, or he does not realize it, but you could not this need to create it, or 'open your eyes man' having had a needs and values of its satisfaction for him, then no external motivation you will not force him to do that you need action.
Surely, everyone in my life was a situation when you had to reject someone, borrow money, do something to help, etc. According to NBA, who has experience with these questions. And how do you do? Refused? After all, they could not refuse you a better friend, girlfriend, relative, friend, colleague … What do you feel at that moment? Awkwardness, embarrassment, shame, discomfort, inconvenience, blame? But it is possible, one could say – no, but somehow the language was not turned. There have been a situation when agreeing to help, after reproached himself for not having been able to refuse. Why does this happen, why we are so hard to say "no"? The thing is that we want to be and sound good in the eyes of others, it is important that we think about and say, afraid to spoil relations.
We were always taught to be polite, nice and polite, and so you can not deny. But think, you are wasting energy, time, money order that someone else was fine. If it is mutual help, everything is normal. The stress this sentence with the word "interaction." That is, you're helping, and you can help, symbiosis – this is normal friendships or partnerships. But how often do we ask for help without offering anything in return, even in the short term.
And yet worse, when asked about that affect your interests, please becomes a problem. That's from such people should stay away. It is better to be tough than to continue to communicate with people who bring some problems. In such situations to say "no" – this to protect their interests. And there was no hesitation! Where it comes to your interests should not be feeling guilty. Remember the adage: "Who are lucky to have one and loaded." If you agree a time, then you will always be something to ask. Do not let get you on your neck! Especially those people that you are useless. "Better to be tough than to remain polite to those who do not deserve your courtesy" Jim Roe. Ask yourself this question: "Why do I need to solve other people's problems? And who will help solve mine? This person will be? It could be me with something useful? ". If not, feel free to refuse! Learn how to refuse, in spite of all persuasions firm and resolute – "No!" How to learn to refuse to say "no"? The next time you are about something ask, no matter what, open your mouth and on the exhale – "No!". And do not think of any cause or excuse, in any case not excuses – a blank refusal. You will beg, promise – do not be – no again. No: think about it, maybe we'll see. If you agree, after persuasion, you will find it cowardly and spineless. Enough two-four there, and you will be restrained from. You can certainly come up with a couple of excuses "in reserve" and to use them. But they should not be commonplace. We can refer to other people, such as "husband (wife) against" or give out information which is difficult to verify, for example, "my sister already took my money for repairs." You can adopt the following phrase: "Nothing personal, but – no! You understand. " Be sure that asketh understands what you, he understands that the inconvenience and asking questions is not followed. Because to say "I do not understand, explained" – to admit his own stupidity. Strong enough to deny a few people and you'll realize that it's easy. Breath on exhale strongly – "no", and have nowhere to retreat!